August 21, 2017

Well, fam and friends- it's my last email on the mission.

It's crazy how fast it goes. I'm in an area right now where we drive a lot so I've had a lot of time to reflect on stuff and I actually think this has been the best 2 years. It's definitely been the hardest, and most frustrating, most fulfilling, etc but so worth it. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I've had to serve in New England and to meet so many amazing people. I feel like when I hear the name "New England" when I get home it will always hit me because it really is a 2nd home to me. 

I think one of the biggest things I've learned on my mission is that I feel like I have actually found myself and who I am supposed to be. At least at this time in my life. Before my mission I wasn't very happy with who I was or things I did and I just thought that was something I would deal with my whole life, and I definitely have felt that on my mission, but I've learned that it's ok to make mistakes and to have imperfections. I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of people "find themselves" on their missions because it is a time where you truly are participating in the work that is individually, and for the people you serve, your way back to Heavenly Father. I've learned that Christ can make way more out of my life than I ever could and the only way to find that is through pushing in his service to our limits. It doesn't make sense that through our big rule book we have, and all the things we do every day that a lot of people think are restricting, I have found myself and that I'm actually happy with who I am unless there is some sort of divine intervention. 

There's a quote that has rang true to me for a while now and it's from Russell M. Nelson and it says, "Conversely, I promise that as you keep God’s commandments, as you live by his laws, you will become increasingly free. This freedom will unveil to you your divine nature and allow you to prosper personally. You will be free from the bondage of sin. You will be free to be you." I honestly didn't think I would find "freedom" on my mission but I've never felt it more, and it's because the gospel is not a gospel of restriction but it's really there to help us fulfill the potential that we have but we may not see in ourselves. It's been my greatest blessing to live it more than I ever will in my life for these 2 years. 

I'm excited to continue to be a missionary even though I won't have my name tag on anymore. There are so many opportunities that cross our paths back home where someone needs the Spirit, or questions answers, or things resolved, and I have made a promise that I'm going to try to act on it more when I get home so that people, whether members or not, can find the Spirit in more of an abundance, and it's all of our jobs to make sure we remain worthy of it so that we can be the vessels for that Spirit. This last week on Monday before I was transferred, I quickly learned that you never know what impact you have on someone, which is why I feel like it's a big part of my testimony right now. We were saying goodbye to a member that I've grown close with and she told me in a little gift book that a couple months ago when we were there for dinner, she asked my companion and I to bear our testimonies and give our conversion story. Mine was short and I felt like it was just another part of a dinner, but she explained that the testimony I bore of my conversion to the gospel gave her daughter hope because she's been struggling with her testimony and that it had a strong impact on her because she knows her testimony will come over time as long as she works at it. I started to tear up a little because it really made me realize my purpose was way deeper than just teaching non-members or less-actives, but any testimony can have an impact, even if it's short. 

I know I've rambled and I have no idea what to say but I guess I want you guys to know that I've loved my mission. Love you all and I'll see ya soon! 

-Elder Webb